She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You need Xanax blowdarts
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
