I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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