Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
