you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize