fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
