how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize