Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
