wakey wakey hands off snakey
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize