Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
