that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
