do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
