My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
