why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
