she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
