i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
