Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
