Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
