Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize