Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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