Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
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