Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
