i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
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