White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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