I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
