no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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