So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
