I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
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