My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
