now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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