was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
