Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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