ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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