My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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