Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
