Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
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