im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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