member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
