my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
