im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
