She is in my trunk
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
