jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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