i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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