Your favorite bartender is back from prision
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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