My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize