Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
even my farts smell like vagina
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
