Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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