When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
