I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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