dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
