i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
