yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Panties = found
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize