Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
