don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
