The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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