so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize