my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
