hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You're like the curious george of whores
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
