One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
