Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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