Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
