Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
