just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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