I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
