i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
