so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
