we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
