Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Randomize
