Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
