Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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