I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
