So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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