Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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