My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
