i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Randomize
