you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
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