I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
