I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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