the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
