I was born with a shot glass in my hand
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Still dying that you shit outside
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
