He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
