she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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