just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
