Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Randomize
